Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
