I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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