I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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