Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
