Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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