Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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