i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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