my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm like, not good at living.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
