Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize