So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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