i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
