i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
