I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
