He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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