I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
