Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my liver is dry heaving
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