my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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