somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
