Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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