Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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