I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
