yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just google imaged poop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
