Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
