i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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