My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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