been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
