I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
