I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
