Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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