today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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