You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
