I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
