Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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