Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
