THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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