So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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