If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
