guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
