Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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