My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
