i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
