I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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