Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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