It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
