I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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