So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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