How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
