Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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