So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
