I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
