I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
