Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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