I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
