someone threw a dead crab at me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
