you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
