You made me cry and you don't even care
nut hugger
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
