I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize