Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I touched a dick in church today
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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