my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
