Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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