He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
