I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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