I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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