What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
