My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
