i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
