I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
