i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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