Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
